30 October

On the way home tonight, I chatted with my friend who works in the ministry about her position in the church that my sister used to fill before her. I heard the same story from my sister. Working for people in the church can be twice as intense and demanding than working for people in a secular setting. There goes a phone call criticizing a church gathering, or an appointed member who suddenly backs out in the last minute, or fellow Christians who can really give you a hard time. Even in a church setting, things can go from calm to chaos.

Three days ago, as I walked across the parking lot after a very early prayer meeting, feeling the spring in my steps from an encounter with God, and basking on the gentle warmth of the sun and the quietness of the morning, red lights and alarm sounds emanated from my brain in a span of five seconds when I reached my car and found out that I got locked out. The day was marked with peace turning, very abruptly, to panic.

³⁹Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will."

⁴⁰Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. "Could you men not keep watch with me for one hour?" he asked Peter. (Matt 26)

At the beginning of this chapter, Jesus mentioned that he was going to be put to death. He knew of the prophesy about him, the Son of Man, and he hinted about it when he was dining and a woman poured expensive oil on his head. It was the subject when he was having the Last Supper with the disciples, and again when he was praying.

He was praying. He knew that the time was near. He knew that he will be taken with force, judged hastily, and put to death unjustly. Yet Jesus took the time to pray and asked the disciples to be with him in prayer for an hour. He was at peace. He was at peace because he has been praying.

⁴²He went away a second time and prayed, "My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done." (Matt 26)

Jesus knows the nature of the Father and in his prayers, he would always give due regard to the Father's will. He never tried to change the Father's mind.

How do we pray? Do we bring before God the considerations that He should have about the way we have been living our lives? Do we expect to have earned points from something that we did? Nobody is righteous enough to demand anything from God. Our position in life, the goals that we met, the noble life that we lead, the properties we have or lack, the number of hours that we went hungry because of fasting, have no participation in our prayer - they do not count to anything or for anything. The only participants are our HOPE and our FAITH. So we must not be presumptuous. We are in the place of forgiven sinners. The answer to our prayers, or the lack thereof, is God's grace.

We must not go ahead with anything without praying to God. When Jesus was faced with his captors, one of the disciples made a very bold move and cut a soldier's ear off. We may be so bold sometimes in our moves that we say and do things we don't mean. Trying times can bring us at our wits end that we tend to forget the right thing to do and this is mostly because we lack the time to pray and to receive the peace that comes from the Lord.

⁴¹"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak." (Matt 26)

³You will guard him and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind [both its inclination and its character] is stayed on You, because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You. (Isaiah 26 Amplified Bible)

A couple of pointers to enrich our prayer lives: all of us have the privilege to pray and call out to God and we must do so also for others. As our brothers' keeper, we have the obligation to pray for them. Another, when we find ourselves with nothing to do, pray. While we are driving or commuting our way to work, pray. If we seem to have run out of things to pray about, pray the Lord's prayer - the prayer that Jesus taught. Pray in the right way to the right object who is God.

J.B.

27 October

I remember something that I wrote on my journal when I was in grade school. I remember I drew a small and a big circle which looked like a tire that rolls. This symbolizes life, that sometimes you're down, the dirt is on your face, and sometimes you're up. When you're up, it won't be long until you're down again. Sometimes I think that the tire must have gotten stuck on a really big pothole, with busted interior, while it was my turn to be in the bottom. It didn't take long and I'd gotten used to it. After a while, I had thought that it wasn't so bad that I would forget what brought me there in the first place (poor driving?). Then I'll start to recognize that it (whatever brought me low) is still present inside me even when the tire seem to must've rolled without me noticing. And it wasn't so bad because it made me appreciate how nice it is to be on top, that happiness is not the absence of unhappiness.

"When we are unhappy, it makes us look forward to heaven all the more. Happiness on earth is always temporary." Max Lucado, Experiencing the Heart of Jesus (2003)

Now I don't view my unhappiness with eyes that couldn't wait, with eyes that are longing to be on top again because every time, it lets me know that true happiness is not something that I can find here. It lets me know that there is something more that can truly satisfy me!

¹¹Dear friends, you are foreigners and strangers on this earth. So I beg you not to surrender to those desires that fight against you. (1 Peter 2)

Because I am an alien on this earth, I won't find true joy here. But "until I see Him face to face, and grace amazing takes me home" I'll trust in Him, because:

¹⁹I pray that God will take care of all your needs with the wonderful blessings that come from Christ Jesus! (Philippians 4)

¹¹ The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail. (Isaiah 58)

God is abundant in His blessings and He allows me to take part in them. When snippets of joy fall from heaven, they are in the form of friends, family, and new acquaintances.

Now when I'm reminded of that 'tire' drawing from yellowed pages of my journal, I look at in another angle and I see it as a lifesaver. Something that God throws at me when I go overboard.

J.B.

26 October 2009

Matthew 14:23 He went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone.


I truly treasure my quiet time. I am so "proud" of myself because it has truly become a habit for me.

I still remember how, in the past, it was such a struggle for me to have a regular QT. And that is how it was for soooooooooooo many years. Id rather sleep, watch tv, eat than have my QT. I knew it was important and yet i never exerted effort to do it.

Now, almost each morning, I spend time reading His word, talking to God, and enjoying His lessons for me. My mountainside is my bedroom, with the TV off or muted. I have it anywhere from 630-730am, after i take my bath. I will sit on my bed, legs crossed, get my QT book and my big serendipity bible. I first check the story behind the book where my verse is situated. That way, ill understand the story better. And truth be told, i dont pray quietly nor with eyes closed. I look up and pray out loud :-) I pray as if God is just beside me and I am talking to Him. That gives me comfort and makes me smile.

Thank God for QTs.

I.T.

21 October 2009

2 Corinthians 5:1 Now we know that if the earthly tent we live is in destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands.

I think this is the perfect verse for my friends whose house were destroyed by the recent calamities!

I know its truly sad that they have lost their house and i don't discount the fact that they may get depressed or frustrated by the situation.

But if we claim God's promise in this verse, i know it may just do the trick of lifting them from their sorry state... and have their eyes focus on their much better, stronger, calamity-free house in heaven. It is a house that is truly a home.

I.T.

20 October

I remember hanging out with my adviser and schoolmate who've both became my friends because of the college paper. The three of us were bound by interests in literature, college life, and the academe as the three of us are now teachers. They are my group of friends who are different from my other bunch of friends because we don't normally find ourselves talking about our family, our favorite music, food, films, our own personal interests. We do talk of our personal lives occasionally but with more depth on our rebuttals that each got it on the norm. The mood often boarders on political activism, teenage angst, and the need to just sit back and see the world from another angle. It's nice to be 'abnormal' sometimes.

There we were, a year ago, having one 'abnormal' discussion in a panciteria on a rainy night. The two of them had their share of their view in life and its tendency to somehow become....well, empty. When it was my turn, I just forked noodles into my mouth because, frankly, I can't think of anything that happened in my life that can find it's place on our wall of depressions.

I do have my share in the bottom, down the valley. I have a feeling I've been treading murky waters for the past months, past days, three hours and 18 minutes ago, who knows? Since my sister found a job and I've stopped living with my favorite person in the world, since I've met good people who turned out to be the ones who can hurt me the most, since my dog vanished, since I faced with the possible libel suit. But the real tragedy, I found out, was when I became certain that I can do it on my own. When I thought that life is going to be good as long as I do good, when I absolutely depended on myself. That's when I'll totally crash.

^{Galatians 3:3}

³Are you so foolish and so senseless and so silly? Having begun [your new life spiritually] with the [Holy] Spirit, are you now reaching perfection [by dependence] on the flesh?

Jesus have invited me to live in His Kingdom and I already said yes. I am now living with the King, the creator and preserver of all things, the great provider, Almighty, Sovereign Lord and if I think, even for one second, that my earthly worries are things which are so big for me that not even my King would be interested in checking up on it, then I am living like an alien in His kingdom for I don't know Him at all and I don't have any right on such:

2 Timothy 1:7

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

It is by God's spirit, which He wholeheartedly have left for us to live in us, that I can overcome, that I can be joyful always, that I don't have to have a share of depression in my life.

Zechariah 4:6

So he said to me, "This is the word of the LORD to Zerubbabel: 'Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,' says the LORD Almighty.

J.B.

------

Philippians 4:7 The peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus

My QT book says that there is a part of the sea known as "the cushion." It is in such a deep part of the sea that it is never stirred.... regardless if the sea is agitated by storms, earthquake or other calamities.

The peace of God is like the cushion of the sea. It should lie so deeply in our hearts that no difficulty in our life can reach it.

I kept thinking... wondering... if only all those ondoy and pepeng victims knew God and had this peace....

I.T.

14 October

Losing

Had I closed my eyes for slumber
and not think of you?
Had I watched the sun rise
without acknowledging you?

Did I dare turn the page, finish a whole volume
even if it wasn't your word?
Did I dare listen to a sound
which is apart from your voice?

Is it not I who decided to succumb
to the pleasures of this earth?
Is it not I who talked to the public
without addressing the real concern?

Wasn't it me who banged the door
sulked in the corner
forgot you
broke the rules
refused to listen
lashed out
compromised
pretended
abused
raged
disintegrated
departed?

Isn't it You who was deprived?
Aren't You the king who lived lowly?
Isn't it You who received injustice
took the blame
endured the beating
died on the cross
abandoned
broken
a sinless
blameless
Holy
Lord

who thought of me
acknowledged me
wrote about me
listened to me
offered Himself
loved me
died for me


J.B.

11 October

It's just not going to work. No matter how good my intentions are and how hard (I think) I tried to get close to God but I do not have the patience to wait on Him, it just aint gonna work. I've been feeding on the Bread of Life like it's served in a fast food restaurant. It may give me the immediate satisfaction that I need especially because I'm on the go but it's bland and just tastes ordinary that the immediate satisfaction immediately leaves me. Based on studies, fast food have potential damage to human health. Bread of Life to-go may even be detrimental to my existence.

I was wondering why I suddenly became like this. Like a workaholic yuppie who has no time to pause. Last night when I decided not to go to the Sunday church service I nudged myself for the reason. The thought that I was sulking crossed my mind.

I was not even mildly affected by the deluge that took place recently. I was warm and snug and comfortable in my house when there were thousands of people homeless, hungry, unsure, lonely, destitute. The only storm I experienced was my own, stupid, little heartbreak. What was I sulking about?


His way is in the whirlwind and the storm, and clouds are the dust of his feet. Nahum 1:3

The storms that happen in our lives, great or small, may trigger an unbelief. A doubt. But God is right there in the storm according to Nahum. His way is in the storm. He was and has always been present. And that shouldn't leave any room for doubt.

But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find Him if you look for Him with all your heart and with all your soul. When you are in distress and all these things have happened to you, then in later days you will return to the Lord your God and obey Him. For the Lord your God is a merciful God; he will not abandon or destroy you or forget the covenant with your forefathers, which he confirmed to them by oath. Deut. 4:29-31

There were times when I wake up very very early in the morning and I thought that it was God who awoke me and I would start to pray. I wanted an encounter with Him like the ones I hear about so I go down on my knees and try to meditate, listen, pray. But nothing happened. This happened about three times and three times there was nothing. I started to doubt the possibility of 'it' ever happening to me. I think I sulked about that. When I thought I wasn't getting any from those very early morning awakenings, I stopped. After three lousy instances, I stopped. How foolish. How selfish of me to let go of my commitment. God has been very committed in not abandoning me. How's my commitment with Him?

Father God in Heaven, forgive me for thinking that my preoccupation deserves more time than my relationship with You. I know You've given me this freewill. Teach me (and please don't ever get tired of doing so) so I will only exercise this freewill in loving You. Thank you wonderful Jesus. Amen.


J.B.